late night

I don't think anyone is reading my blog, and I guess that makes it my own, private space. Not that I don't have a lot of that already, but this way I'm never really sure who might peak in. So I have to watch what I say. Writing on the edge, you might call it. For those of you who know me, you can imagine all the censoring I'm doing.

No, but really. I'm having a hard time sleeping. Anxiety attack is another word for it (two words). Wondering what I'm doing in the coming year, where I'll be, if I'll actually get around to doing all of the great projects I have in mind, if I'll ever find those perfect white "city shorts" before the season is over.

Went to an alumni dinner the other night (I usually avoid these, but I really wanted to meet someone whose name is Brewster- I imagined this would be an old, filthy rich, brooks-brothers-clad sort of sweet man, but instead it was a guy five years older than me, probably the rest applies). And during the introductions was "what would you major in if you could go back to school now". And the recent grads all said- probably the same thing (insert nasal tone here). And the older people mostly said other things.

I said art, and that I'd maybe become an artist. Partly to push buttons, surrounded by some very uptight, WASPY folk, I figured that would sort of get at them. But also, I think it would be fun. Would I have been successful? As an architect, maybe. But as an artist? Ha.

So, what ifs. And my birthday coming up (ok, exactly one month away, but still). And, so, it's one of those things. And I didn't make it to yoga this week, which really balances me- apart from all of that sort of talk, it's true.

Ok, let's end with a little story. I was walking to work, and I saw this mousy older middle-aged woman crossing the street (I think she had just gotten out of her car). And she was walking with a cane- not for old age, but it looked like she was limping, recovering from something. The problem is that she had a big dog on a leash, and the dog was running across the street, and so she was sort of wobbling along, being dragged on by the dog, trying to avoid walking on her hurt leg, and looking super silly just for carrying a cane! And the best part was, I was sort of laughing inside, and I passed by this older guy who was also watching her, and we both just started laughing. Out loud. And we made some comment about how ridiculous the situation was. Nice start to the day.

Good night.