This bit has a lot in it, but it really caught my attention:
…when after so many long years of sterile illusions he had begun to glimpse that one doesn’t live, God damn it, he lives through, he survives, one learns too late that even the broadest and most useful of lives only reach the point of learning how to live, he had learned of his incapacity for love in the enigma of the palm of his mute hands and in the invisible code of the cards and he had tried to compensate for that infamous fate with the burning cultivation of the solitary vice of power, he had made himself victim of his own sect to be immolated on the flames of that infinite holocaust…
The part that really got me was “that even the broadest and most useful of lives only reach the point of learning how to live”. The other parts talk about what I had mentioned in a previous post, about how he tried to fill his life with power to overcome the feeling of something lacking.
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